Breakthrough: Self-Preservation

By: Kolleen Lucariello

Sometimes we don’t notice how guarded we’ve become until we try to take the layers off.

In October, Pat and I traveled to South Carolina, hoping to escape several weeks of Central New York’s winter. I left expecting mild weather throughout the weeks we'd be there, so I packed accordingly and left my heavy made-for-a-New-York-winter coat behind. Why? Because I assumed I wouldn’t need it.

But to my surprise, the temperatures dropped and stayed far colder than I had anticipated. So instead of relying on one heavy layer, I started dressing in multiple ones: a tank top, then another shirt or sweater, sometimes a sweatshirt, and on the coldest days, my fall shacket over everything. Day after day, I added whatever I needed to stay warm.

One night, as I was getting ready for bed, I found myself chuckling when I realized I’d forgotten how many layers I had on. The number surprised me. What started as a practical response to the unexpected cold had slowly become my default way of dressing. I wasn’t just layering for warmth anymore; layering had become a habit. Eventually, I realized I wasn’t putting on layers out of need anymore; I was doing it to avoid discomfort.

This was an act of self-preservation.

And it mirrors something many of us do emotionally. Just like I layered clothing to protect myself from the cold, we build emotional layers to protect ourselves from pain, rejection, or disappointment. A hurt happens – add a layer. A disappointment follows – add another. Betrayal, rejection, misunderstanding — each wound becomes another layer put on in our efforts to stay “safe.”

At first, those layers feel wise. Necessary. Protective. But over time, we forget how many layers we’re wearing, and why we put them on in the first place. What began as a temporary response to pain slowly becomes our default way of living. Guarded. Defensive. Always bracing for impact. Our wounds become insulation. Self-preservation becomes habit. And eventually, our layers have become a stronghold.

Before too long, we’re no longer just responding to pain; we’re living from it.

And just like too many physical layers restrict movement, emotional layers can restrict intimacy, trust, vulnerability, faith, and our ability to receive God’s love. Before we know it, self-preservation quietly turns into a prison.

At the core is often a wound that has shaped our story, whispering that it isn’t safe to be seen, known, or vulnerable. Fear becomes our guide. Control becomes our comfort. Emotional survival becomes our priority. Instead of guarding our hearts with healthy boundaries, we begin walling them off.

But God invites us to move away from self-preservation and into Spirit-preservation, where safety isn’t found in control, but in being known and kept by Christ. Where protection isn’t built from walls, but from Truth. Where God’s Word becomes the mighty weapon that dismantles strongholds, heals wounds, and rebuilds hearts.

Just like my physical layers became habitual, our emotional defenses can become default survival patterns. They start as protection, but over time, they imprison us, shaping how we relate to others, how we experience God, and how we live out our true identity.

Breakthrough comes when we choose Spirit-preservation over self-preservation.

• When we stop living from fear.

• When we release control.

• When we trust Christ to be our safeguard.

• When we allow His truth to dismantle the strongholds built from past wounds.

This February, Activ8Her invites you to examine your layers. What are you wearing to protect yourself that God wants to replace with His freedom? What walls have you built that keep intimacy, faith, and trust at a distance? Let's do the work together.

Over this month, we will:

• Identify one layer of self-preservation in your life.

• Bring it to God in prayer and ask Him to reveal the truth beneath it.

• Commit to using His Word — the ultimate weapon — to tear down that stronghold.

Your wounds don’t get the final word unless you give them permission to. But, like a game of Kerplunk, if you let Jesus remove the stick of self-preservation, He can rewrite your story layer by layer. Not from fear. Not from survival. But from truth, healing, and freedom. That’s #Breakthrough.

You can find a local chapter here and begin your journey to a breakthrough year.

<3 Kolleen