Breakthrough:Self-Sabotage

By: Kolleen Lucariello

Please raise your hand if you've ever felt like you're the one standing in your own way. I know you can't see it, but my hand is raised and waving!

If you raised your hand, perhaps you can relate to setting a goal but somehow never getting started. Or, like me, maybe you have dreams you thought would have become reality by now. Maybe you've wanted to apply for that job, repair that relationship, or take that leap of faith, but something always seems to be pulling you back. You overthink. You procrastinate. You convince yourself the timing isn't right. You compare yourself to someone else. You tell yourself, "I'll try another time. I'm just not ready—yet."

It's exhausting, isn't it? It's also frustrating because, deep down, you know what you want and probably believe God wants it for you, too. So why do your actions keep moving you in the opposite direction? Could it be possible you need a breakthrough from self-sabotage? I do! And it's the conversation the Lord and I have been having over the last few months.

For years, I've chastised myself for being lazy, unmotivated, or lacking discipline. But as I've continued doing the breakthrough work, a question kept rising to the surface: What if the problem isn't a lack of willpower? What if the behaviors holding you back are actually protective strategies that once helped you survive? What if the very patterns that were created to keep you safe are now limiting the life God is inviting you to live? Holding you hostage to the fear of people, driven by hurt and disappointment.

Maybe you find yourself in a similar place. Perhaps you learned that failure wasn't safe; that mistakes cost a high price. Maybe rejection taught you that isolation feels less painful than vulnerability. Has criticism convinced you that perfection is the only path to acceptance?

The Apostle Paul understood the dilemma well. In the Book of Romans, he gives us one of the most honest confessions in all of Scripture: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do” (7:15). This is the sound of a believer discovering the war within. Does it sound familiar? Paul loves God. He wants obedience. He desires righteousness. And yet his behavior does not always match his desire. This is the experience of self-sabotage. Romans seven shows us the struggle of the renewed heart still living with old patterns. Paul is essentially saying: “My intentions and my actions don’t match, and I don’t know how to fix it.”

I think many of us can relate. We deeply desire to obey God wholeheartedly. Yet there are moments when we find ourselves defaulting to old habits. They may have felt safe at one time, but they absolutely no longer serve us. I am working—and believe me, it is work— to take thoughts of shame captive. When the shaming voice rises and asks, "Why do you keep sabotaging yourself?" I'm learning to ask a different question: "What is this pattern trying to protect me from? And what does God say is true about it?" Because, as I have been learning, often what we call self-sabotage is actually our nervous system saying, "Something about this once hurt me. Let's not risk that again." I've discovered that self-sabotage is not usually rebellion against God. More often, it is fear misdirected toward safety.

When we've experienced rejection, betrayal, shame, church hurt, or relational insecurity, we don't just remember those experiences emotionally; they begin to shape our behaviors. And self-sabotage becomes a present-day response to a past threat that may no longer exist. That's why breakthrough is about so much more than behavior modification. It's about wound healing.

Board-certified clinical neuropsychologist Dr. Michelle Bengtson writes, "You need to know this about your brain: It doesn't prioritize your goals. It prioritizes what feels familiar. If a new habit feels unfamiliar, your brain will resist it—even if it's good for you." That insight helped me realize something profound: what once protected my heart may now be preventing me from fulfilling God's plans and purposes for my life. It's easy to make excuses for why I can't. It's much harder—but far more freeing—to acknowledge the wound behind those excuses.

This month, we're taking a closer look at self-sabotage—not to heap more guilt or shame on us, but to uncover the deeper story beneath our behaviors. Together, we'll explore why we get stuck. We are unpacking six patterns that self-sabotage may be trying to protect us from, and how lasting freedom begins when we stop merely managing our behavior and allow God to heal the wounds underneath it.

Whether you're exploring faith for the first time, returning after a season away, or you've walked with Jesus for years, my prayer is the same: that you'll discover you were never created to live in survival mode. There is hope beyond the patterns that have defined your past, and there is freedom waiting on the other side of healing. We'd love to have you come join the conversation! Find a chapter here.

With love and hope,

Kolleen