Breakthrough:Self-Sufficiency

By: Kolleen Lucariello

Never mind, I’ll just do it myself.” If you ever hear those words come out of my mouth, feel free to step in. That’s usually my way of saying I need help, feel unheard, and am about to push ahead on my own, without pausing long enough to think it through.

Like the time I ended up with stitches in my lip at the most inopportune moment, all because I wanted the lawn mowed before my grandmother and mother arrived for a visit, and Pat wouldn’t make himself available to make it happen. Silly Pat—choosing sleep after working all night rather than mowing at my request.

Or the time I discovered appliance paint and decided the kitchen needed a black fridge. Since it was too heavy for me to move outside myself—and I was too impatient to wait for Pat to get home—I improvised. I came up with the brilliant idea that I could tape together newspapers, create a “box” around our almond-colored refrigerator, and spray away. I opened that spray paint and let loose—inside the house—because, obviously, a box made of newspaper would contain aerosol fumes.

I didn’t realize how bad it was until a delivery driver knocked on the door and gave me a curious look that, in turn, made me a bit curious. Turning from the garage, I could see a plume of gray mist hanging in the air inside the house—settling over our white counters, furniture ... actually, everything. I felt the fear start to rise as I made my way to the bathroom mirror. That’s when I discovered how the paint had settled over me: bold black rings circled each of my nostrils, and the rest of my face had been dusted with a light shade of gray. The outline of my flip-flops looks snazzy on my feet, too. Cue Frank Sinatra, " I did it my way."

Some called me stubborn. Others said I was determined—maybe even independent. And then there were those who thought I was just plain selfish, always wanting to have my own way. But over the last year, the Lord has been digging deep, revealing the wounds underneath it all. Now, I can see that sometimes, I might have just been trying to prove my worth, and how past experiences with broken trust made self-sufficiency my teacher; and what a relentless teacher she has been, schooling me in the quiet art of believing, “If I depend on no one, I can’t be disappointed.”

When I bump up against the core belief instilled in me that I’m not worthy of protecting—or that someone, even God, is withholding something good from me—human reasoning steps in and reinforces the voice of self-sufficiency. I had become convinced it was up to me to meet my own needs—emotionally, spiritually, and even materially—because I learned early in life that trust often led to hurt and disappointment. Depending on me, myself, and I felt safer than risking another wound. But as you can see, I wasn’t all that safe, either.

I’ve intentionally been allowing God to wield His spiritual weapons to “knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and destroy false arguments” in my life (2 Corinthians 10:5). One morning, I felt drawn to read 1 Corinthians 13 about love. As I read, one verse in particular leapt off the page: “Love is not self-seeking” (1 Corinthians 13:5). In that moment, God impressed on me that self-sufficiency is, at its core, self-seeking—not in the sense of selfish ambition, but in the pursuit of self-security. He began to tenderly confront my belief that depending on others always meant pain, but if I relied solely on myself, I would, in theory, be safe. Self-security had become the stronghold, and self-sufficiency its outer wall of protection: If I don’t need you, I can’t be hurt by you. Doesn’t that become a lonely place to live?

I felt challenged by this realization, and as I read through God’s descriptions of love, I saw that self-sufficiency may feel safe, but it is ultimately a barrier to love—both receiving it and giving it freely. Love calls us to vulnerability, dependence, and trust beyond ourselves. When self-sufficiency reigns in my life, it masquerades as strength while quietly building walls that isolate me from the very source of true security: Jesus. The God-kind of love is God-reliant, other-embracing, and covenant-anchored, and it simply cannot flourish where self-sufficiency insists on control.

God has been inviting me into a breakthrough so I can reconcile with the past and move beyond the fractures of broken trust. His weapon for breakthrough is to turn self-sufficiency into Spirit-sufficiency. He wants to be our Savior and Provider—our all-sufficient Source. He invites us to shift from the lie that says, “I must handle this,” to the truth that declares, “God’s got this”—or better yet, “God’s got me.” When I make that shift, I find rest from the grip self once had on me. I no longer need to live bound to self-sufficiency, believing someone is always trying to take from me, because I found this promise in the Psalms: “The Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right” (Psalm 84:11, NLT).

Self-sufficiency is the silent enemy of love—not because love is weak, but because the God-kind of love refuses to live self-sourced. Breakthrough doesn’t come from trying harder to love; it comes from abiding deeper in His love. God is not withholding anything good from you. If He intends it for you, He will bring it to you.

Life is a bit more peaceful for Pat these days as he worries less about what mess he might walk into. It’s becoming less frantic for me, too, as I find my rest in Him. If you find yourself in a tug-of-war with self-sufficiency, I’d love for you to join the conversation at a local Activ8Her chapter. There, we can explore together what it looks like to move from self-sufficiency to Spirit-sufficiency and how God is bringing a breakthrough into our lives. Until next time, #beYOU and #beReconciled, Kolleen