#StandUnraveled

By: Kolleen Lucariello

In May, Pat and I traveled to the sunny South and spent the month working on a house project. After years of traveling up and down Interstate 81, God surprised us with the opportunity to buy a home between our two most southern kids. Neither of us had imagined anything like this. Well, Pat might have, but his planning definitely included the sale of our home in New York, which I am definitely not ready for. So, this was God's compromise for us. Totally an unexpected, but extremely appreciated, gift.

Before the purchase, we had a home inspection, so we knew what we were getting ourselves into. It had good bones; it just needed some TLC in long-ignored areas. What we didn't realize was the extent of the TLC she'd need. Once the work began, we discovered some messy areas had been hiding beneath the surface. One mess led to the discovery of another, and that meant another area to repair. Let's just say that a lot of unraveling took place over the four weeks we were there. In the house on Wendy Lane, and within the house of Kolleen.

I hadn’t realized when we left New York just how tangled up I’d become beneath the surface. The disarray wasn’t just happening to the house—it was happening in me, too. My own thoughts had been betraying me, stirring up inner turmoil and angst. Without warning, fear had become a constant companion, barking orders like a drill sergeant stationed in enemy territory. As we worked on the house, God had a renovation project of His own planned for the messy areas within me.

It began the day I realized I only had a few changes of clothes with me. Normally, I overpack and end up using only a fraction of what I bring. But this time, I packed light. As I was silently congratulating myself for managing without an overabundance of clothing, an image of a dress I own floated through my mind. Completely out of nowhere. Then came the question posed by a still, small voice: Why are you holding onto this dress?

At first glance, the answer felt obvious: because it's been one of my favorite dresses.

But it no longer fits you.

Well, someday it might.

What emotions stir within you when you say that, and be honest?

Honestly? Insecurity. A longing for the slimmer version of Kolleen.

What else?

Well, it also reminds me of yet one more wound inflicted by the arrow of rejection at a family event.

So, again I ask ... why are you holding onto that dress?

God began to pull on a thread that day, inviting me to step into the closet of my spiritual wardrobe. He began to speak to me about my need to unravel from threads that were causing me to dress inappropriately as His daughter. Instantly, I was aware that I'd been hoarding hurt from the past, the same way I was hoarding clothes that no longer fit me.

There were wounds I had ignored, dances with rejection I had tolerated for far too long. And those wounds were quietly dictating my responses, pulling me back into outdated, ill-fitting patterns of thought and behavior. Familiarity is powerful, you know? And when insecurity strikes, we run to that closet—mentally and emotionally—and grab whatever feels familiar, even if it doesn’t fit who we are, because we have a new identity in Christ. Some patterns are outdated. They no longer serve us, yet habit keeps us reaching anyway.

God began His renovation project by first showing me it was time to unravel another messy part within. As he did, I recognized a thread of rejection woven through different stages and circumstances of my life. It had wrapped me up in limiting beliefs, one of which was this: I am unworthy of protection. So, whenever I felt threatened, control would rise to the occasion, trying to protect what I believed no one else would. Fear and trust really can't dwell together, can they? God's been unraveling that, too.

As I began to unravel the thread that had been suffocating my belief in my worth, I was able to adjust my perspective by revisiting painful pieces of my past. It wasn’t easy, but going back with the Holy Spirit guiding me allowed me to adjust accordingly. Where my core belief once whispered that I was unworthy of protection, God opened my spiritual lens to see the truth: I have always been worth His time and effort.

I am worth the time it takes to renew my mind.

I am worth the time it takes to heal the broken places buried deep in my soul.

I am worth the time it takes to believe I am worthy of the unconditional love He’s given me—even when I’m messy and make a mess of His plans.

No matter how little effort others may put into us, we are always worth the effort to Him.

It’s time to embrace this belief over the false one, so we can truly #Stand.

When I looked up the definition of unraveled, I realized God was inviting me, and His daughters, to #StandUnraveled. And to do that meant that we would need to do three things: Separate, Stop, and Step.

• Separate from the tangled mess of past hurts, fears, and insecurities that cling to us like old, ill-fitting garments.

• Stop engaging with the enemy and disentangle from the lies and limiting beliefs that have bound us, making it seem impossible to change.

• Step into the freedom and fullness of our identity as a Bride of Christ.

Are you running back to old habits that no longer fit? Are you squeezing into “clothing” that is outdated and too small? If so, I invite you to join me and the ladies of Activ8Her as we learn how to unravel the messy parts of our inner house. You can find a chapter here.