#StandUnashamed

By: Kolleen Lucariello

When I was growing up, it was common for me to hear my mother say, “That doesn’t match” when I’d come down the stairs ready for the day. In those days, plaids didn’t go with stripes, and navy wasn’t worn with black. White after Labor Day was scandalous, and denim-on-denim was a fashion crime. I realize now that she wasn’t just helping me avoid a fashion disaster; she was also teaching me that what we wear sends a message. (I wasn't even allowed to wear jeans to school!)

As women finding our identity in Christ, what we “put on” spiritually matters just as much as what we pull from our closet. Scripture calls us to wear pieces that may not show up on the outside, like a trendy jacket or bold accessories, but they’re the essentials that make everything else fit. Think of them as the undergarments of faith; the quiet, unseen pieces that shape everything else we wear and keep us from an embarrassing fashion flop.

This month at Activ8Her, as we learn to #StandUnashamed, we’re highlighting three wardrobe must-haves: kindness, humility, and gentleness. Paul reminds us in Colossians 3 that these are always in season, never go out of style, and will never clash with a life rooted in Christ. While the world often praises boldness, visibility, and strength, we stand unashamed when we choose to be clothed in what reveals the true character of Christ.

As we consider these the undergarments of our faith, kindness feels like the first layer. Just as soft fabric keeps rough seams from rubbing against the skin, kindness cushions the harsh edges—both ours and those of the people around us.

But kindness is more than being “nice.” It’s a Christlike disposition that leans toward mercy, not meanness. It’s goodness in action, flowing from the new nature we’ve been given in Christ. When we choose to wear kindness, we’re choosing to let His Spirit soften us so we can reflect His compassion in real and tangible ways.

Sometimes kindness looks like letting a harsh comment pass without firing back. Other times, it’s answering softly when you’re tempted to snap. The snarky Kolleen doesn’t always get this right—she can be like wearing wool without a layer underneath: scratchy and irritating to anyone who gets too close.

If kindness is the soft fabric, humility is the seam that holds everything together. It’s not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. Humility frees us from competing, comparing, or chasing the spotlight. Instead, it makes space for others to be seen, valued, and heard.

Humility often looks like being content with a background role or serving without recognition. Sometimes it’s choosing not to defend yourself when you feel overlooked, knowing God sees you. The prideful Kolleen, though, occasionally wants to stitch her name in bold letters across the seam, but let’s be honest, that doesn’t really hold things together very well, does it?

And gentleness is the lining that protects all of the tender places. It’s strength under control; choosing patience over harshness, peace over pressure, and care over criticism. Like giving the “white glove treatment” to something fragile, gentleness recognizes the weight of another’s heart.

Sometimes gentleness looks like pausing long enough to really listen before speaking. Other times, it’s resisting the urge to react defensively and instead offering words that restore peace. The rushed and feisty Kolleen forgets this at times, and when she does, it’s like the lining gets twisted or snags. Suddenly, even the most beautiful outfit feels awkward and uncomfortable. That’s the difference gentleness makes: it keeps everything in place so what’s seen on the outside reflects Christ’s heart on the inside.

Just like Mom would nudge me away from plaids that clashed with stripes, our spiritual “outfits” need to match, too. Wearing kindness, humility, and gentleness isn’t about showing off or following a rigid dress code; it’s about layering the pieces that work together to reveal our new nature, which is the character of Christ. When any one piece is missing or worn incorrectly—when kindness is scratchy, humility is stitched with pride, or gentleness is rushed—the outfit doesn’t function as it should. Others notice the mismatch, even if we don’t, and it can distract from the beauty God intends to display through us. By intentionally putting on these undergarments of faith, we step out fully clothed in Christ, unashamed and ready to reflect His love in every interaction.

Paul reminds us we can’t keep wearing what no longer fits. “After all, you have taken off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self that is being renewed in knowledge, according to the image of the One who created him” (Colossians 3:10, TLV). Just as we wouldn’t keep wearing clothes that are too tight, scratchy, or outdated, God calls us to take off the old self—with all its mismatched habits, attitudes, and reactions—and put on the new self. We are “being renewed in knowledge,” learning how to dress according to God’s dress code rather than the one dictated by the fashion police of comparison, pride, or impulse.

Kindness, humility, and gentleness are part of this new wardrobe—soft, sturdy, and seamless layers that reveal the image of Christ to the world. They don’t need to be flashy. They may not get applause. But we should never leave home without them. They are the essentials that shape how we carry ourselves in every room, every conversation, and every relationship. When they become the first things we put on each morning, we don’t have to worry about how we appear to others. Christ is what they’ll see.

So here’s the question: How well do your undergarments fit?

Come join the conversation. Find a chapter here.